Next up for the speech bubble:
"The battle station is heavily shielded and carries a firepower greater than half the star fleet. It's defenses are designed around a direct, large-scale assault. A small one-man fighter should be able to penetrate the outer defense."
Maybe I'll even post it on the posters outside the department...
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Speech Bubble Burst
First speech bubble posted onto the stupid meeting guidelines poster:
"I think I can get the bread basket out without touching the sides..."
I posted this months and months ago - - it immediately got a response, and no one has touched it since. It bears mentioning that the HR rep has moved to another floor, so....
Anyway, the other day, someone read it again and said something about it not having been changed in a while, so here we go (see next post).
"I think I can get the bread basket out without touching the sides..."
I posted this months and months ago - - it immediately got a response, and no one has touched it since. It bears mentioning that the HR rep has moved to another floor, so....
Anyway, the other day, someone read it again and said something about it not having been changed in a while, so here we go (see next post).
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Targeted
This one was just screaming out to be messed with, which I already did. But more will be coming.
In an of itself, it's not so bad. Why, I myself, in a bout of naive, idealistic zeal, suggested that such guidelines be adopted many years ago.
It's the friggin' speech bubble that twists the whole thing into self-parody. Unfortunately, most of my co-workers are so enveloped in the malaise, that self-parody isn't enough to get noticed.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
What kind of flesh-eating zombie networking website is this?
I frequent one of the interweb's larger professional networking sites (the better to undermine the entire corrupt system).
When I log in to my utterly fictional profile, it (the website) displays what it thinks will be interesting links to various Q&As from other "professionals." They range from the overly technical to the banal, but until I saw this, none could be categorized as "bizarre" or "terrifying in its implications."
Behold.
When I log in to my utterly fictional profile, it (the website) displays what it thinks will be interesting links to various Q&As from other "professionals." They range from the overly technical to the banal, but until I saw this, none could be categorized as "bizarre" or "terrifying in its implications."
Behold.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Abacus Prank - The Item (3 of 3)
Here's the spoofed memo deployed by me, Subcommandante Zaius.
TO: All Employees
RE: Laptops and XXXXX Security
COMPANY NAME REDACTED
M E M O R A N D U M
TO: All Employees
FROM: XXXXX - IT
DATE: May 31, 2008
RE: Laptops and XXXXX Security
As you have heard, XXXXX is in the midst of implementing measures that will allow us to attain a XXXXX security rating. One of the measures that was recently announced was regarding securing laptops after regular business hours.
IT received a large amount of negative feedback regarding this particular policy. Many employees noted that the policy had been implemented without any consensus with end-users, and that the tools and equipment needed to comply with the policy weren’t clear (or available, for that matter).
In response to this, IT has created a new policy as a countermeasure. Beginning on 7/7/08 (the first Monday after the July 4th holiday), all laptops, whether used for Office Automation or evaluation purposes, will be replaced by a Manual Computing Device (MCD). You may have heard them referred to as an abacus or soroban (in
In benchmarking laptop security, both physical and network security, it was found that electronic, digital computers are inherently expensive and difficult to secure. The MCDs currently available are inexpensive (and therefore easily replaceable should there be a theft), carry no security risk, and are much more user-friendly than the models currently used. MCDs will be available to replace all laptops, and due to their inexpensive nature, will also be offered as replacements for any employees desktop computer. We anticipate a cost savings of more than $1,000,000 per year due to this initiative.
MCDs will not be required to be physically secured during normal hours or after hours.
We recognize that many TMs may not be familiar with how to use MCDs, and so we have partnered with XXXXX-HR to provide multiple training sessions. An outside vendor will conduct these training sessions. You can sign up for these sessions via XXXXX’s intranet website.
Please make sure to sign up for a training session prior to the 7/7 roll-out of the MCDs.
Thank you.
Above: an example of the XXXX Soroban 8600 that will be used as XXXX MCDs.
Abacus Prank - Execution (2 of 3)
This monkey had had enough.
In the heat of the moment, quite unlike the monkeynapping prank I will regale you with later, I decided to write a fake IT memo that would start off contrite, and then devolve into an even more outrageous proposal than they had already made.
I wrote it, gave it a brief edit, found a sweet picture to put it in (thanks, Wikipedia), and printed two copies off. One I posted in our copy room, on the wall in a totally readable but not conspicuous place. The other went on an announcement board (empty at the time) in the office area for our blue collar workers. Then I went back to my cubicle and waited. This was late in the afternoon.
First thing the next morning, the announcement board one was gone, much to my chagrin, since our blue collar people come in early. Did a manager remove it? Some uptight worker? Don't know.
The copy room one was totally there, but no one was paying it any attention. I had to change my deployment strategy.
I snagged the copy room document, copied it 7 times, and walked the two feet over to everyone's mailbox and threw it in the boxes of people I knew would appreciate it.
Sure enough, by the afternoon, people had read it, were talking about it, and were generally enjoying it. I was immediately suspected, but have deflected blame for the most part.
The copy room one came down a day or two later. I have not been called in to anyone's office. I know our security could find out who printed this document (everything sent to the printer is logged), but either they haven't or are holding their cards close to their chest. Had I not been so impulsive, I would've printed it at home and brought it in.
In the heat of the moment, quite unlike the monkeynapping prank I will regale you with later, I decided to write a fake IT memo that would start off contrite, and then devolve into an even more outrageous proposal than they had already made.
I wrote it, gave it a brief edit, found a sweet picture to put it in (thanks, Wikipedia), and printed two copies off. One I posted in our copy room, on the wall in a totally readable but not conspicuous place. The other went on an announcement board (empty at the time) in the office area for our blue collar workers. Then I went back to my cubicle and waited. This was late in the afternoon.
First thing the next morning, the announcement board one was gone, much to my chagrin, since our blue collar people come in early. Did a manager remove it? Some uptight worker? Don't know.
The copy room one was totally there, but no one was paying it any attention. I had to change my deployment strategy.
I snagged the copy room document, copied it 7 times, and walked the two feet over to everyone's mailbox and threw it in the boxes of people I knew would appreciate it.
Sure enough, by the afternoon, people had read it, were talking about it, and were generally enjoying it. I was immediately suspected, but have deflected blame for the most part.
The copy room one came down a day or two later. I have not been called in to anyone's office. I know our security could find out who printed this document (everything sent to the printer is logged), but either they haven't or are holding their cards close to their chest. Had I not been so impulsive, I would've printed it at home and brought it in.
Abacus Prank - Briefing and Background (1 of 3)
Prank Date: Sometime last week. Seriously, I can't remember.
Media: Interoffice memo
Targets: Employees with a sense of humor; anyone passing by the posted memos.
Goal: To elicit some laughter, and to shed light on just how ridiculous things have gotten with our IT at work.
Success rating: Medium
Things at my work have become comical of late, also infuriating. Everyone understands the need for data security, but the security people (the actual people, not the rental security "guards" who are even more out of shape than me) are trying to get some security accreditation from our parent company.
No one outside of security is aware of just what it will take to get this accreditation. If I see virgin sheep being sacrificed under a full moon, I will likely attribute it to this process. It's like that. The thing is, again, we all understand that some security measures are good, but they are implemented at the last minute, with no discussion on how to do it or whether this is a good idea or not.
The last straw was the "laptop" initiative. Without warning, on a Thursday, the security VP said that all laptops that were not secured as per the new procedure on Monday night would be confiscated by security. In this new procedure, cable locks were NOT to be used. Cable locks, we were told, were weak. The laptops had to be clamped down with these expensive clamps.
The reasoning, such that it is, is that a laptop thief can just pull hard enough and dislodge the cable lock, but if the laptop is clamped down, it becomes impossible. We were told guards would walk through the building, and any laptops not locked up in drawers and not clamped down would be removed. Sadly, this meant security considered that the drawer locks were more secure than cable locks. We routinely leave the keys in the drawer locks.
Our management, to their credit, screamed bloody murder. Security taking away our laptops? We have many labs, some of which have experiments being datalogged by laptops that must be out and running.
Anyway, Monday came and the VP backed off. Cable locks were OK. The expensive clamps were not necessary. The new, miracle cure was this:
No shit. They said that we should Velcro our laptops to their stands/desks/tables. That this was going to prevent someone (at least someone who's never used a crowbar) from removing the laptop.
Well, that was enough for this monkey. It was time to call IT out.
Media: Interoffice memo
Targets: Employees with a sense of humor; anyone passing by the posted memos.
Goal: To elicit some laughter, and to shed light on just how ridiculous things have gotten with our IT at work.
Success rating: Medium
Things at my work have become comical of late, also infuriating. Everyone understands the need for data security, but the security people (the actual people, not the rental security "guards" who are even more out of shape than me) are trying to get some security accreditation from our parent company.
No one outside of security is aware of just what it will take to get this accreditation. If I see virgin sheep being sacrificed under a full moon, I will likely attribute it to this process. It's like that. The thing is, again, we all understand that some security measures are good, but they are implemented at the last minute, with no discussion on how to do it or whether this is a good idea or not.
The last straw was the "laptop" initiative. Without warning, on a Thursday, the security VP said that all laptops that were not secured as per the new procedure on Monday night would be confiscated by security. In this new procedure, cable locks were NOT to be used. Cable locks, we were told, were weak. The laptops had to be clamped down with these expensive clamps.
The reasoning, such that it is, is that a laptop thief can just pull hard enough and dislodge the cable lock, but if the laptop is clamped down, it becomes impossible. We were told guards would walk through the building, and any laptops not locked up in drawers and not clamped down would be removed. Sadly, this meant security considered that the drawer locks were more secure than cable locks. We routinely leave the keys in the drawer locks.
Our management, to their credit, screamed bloody murder. Security taking away our laptops? We have many labs, some of which have experiments being datalogged by laptops that must be out and running.
Anyway, Monday came and the VP backed off. Cable locks were OK. The expensive clamps were not necessary. The new, miracle cure was this:
No shit. They said that we should Velcro our laptops to their stands/desks/tables. That this was going to prevent someone (at least someone who's never used a crowbar) from removing the laptop.
Well, that was enough for this monkey. It was time to call IT out.
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